It's not that I'm lonely. I can fill my time. I can survive. I have found a CAREER. I just miss him. I don't know what that means really. It means, I guess, what it says. We're all human, we all make decisions I guess. We shouldn't second guess such things.
I am emotionally frustrated. Everything I felt sort of toppled in that airport. Nothing I knew as real the weeks leading up to that departure felt real anymore. All I could feel was the rip. Slowly I've been trying to mend it, and pretend it isn't there. But it's there. Ever present. Usually it's in the back of my mind. It comes to the forefront when I hear of his feelings for other people. My doing I suppose, I made the decision to end it. I know this. It still doesn't stop the ripping I feel in my heart when I feel his move from mine to someone else's. He misses me. I suppose that's supposed to be the thing that comforts me... reassures me I'm still special. I'm a friend now. I'm that girl he lived with for over a year. I represent homesickness. But I guess I am me, and maybe part of all that I represent that he misses really is me. And maybe not giving up was overrated. Maybe we just meant we wouldn't give up on each other... not the relationship.
I love him. I'm still a bit in love with him as well. I should've made sure that wasn't true before making drastic decisions. We live, we learn. Korea was the right decision for him. Monday I'll find out if this career was the right decision for me. I hope it is, just because that will mean one less thing I need to search for.
Here's hoping
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1 comment:
Like you said You'll survive. You're in mourning right now as you probably already know. Give yourself time to heal and get on with things.
As for you career choice, you're young you have time to think things through. Don't rush into anything. If you think it's not for you it very well may not be.
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