Dear You,

Thank you for training me in the fine art of disconnecting my mind and soul from my body while enduring abuse. Back when you fostered its development, I did not realize how much I would use this skill in the following years. I was a born optimist, you taught me that optimism is not realistic. I fought this; I continued to try to see the bright side. As a result, I endured many more lessons. Last night another instructor came to me, and finally I understood. This world is not a pretty place and people do not in general give a rat's ass about respecting one another. People, when left to their own devices, will do whatever it takes to get what they want. I refuse to play this game of life, to purposely abuse others, but that makes me no less susceptible to being abused. I do realize that some things hinder my ability to fight back, and so those things must go. I need to find a new way to numb the pain, one that does not interrupt my functioning.
Although some may argue it incomprehensible, I believe you have been, for this reason, an excellent influence. Through what may have been your greatest sin, you taught me one of the most important lessons I will ever learn, and equipped me with the skills I would need to stay sane in the disturbing time we live in.

One cannot be a martyr without dying.

With Love, Me